For almost everyone between the ages of about three and 18, it’s physically impossible to leave the house without having a bowl of full of sugar drowned in milk. Even when we get older, we might like to pretend to graduate to avocado toast and overnight oats, but all we really want is a fistful of cornflakes.
Despite the nostalgia we have for our favourite cereals, there have been some seriously weird recipes thankfully swallowed up by history. With things this alarming on the menu, it’s a miracle that cereal has stayed as popular as it is. These are the world’s weirdest breakfast cereals of all time.
1. Punch Crunch
It might have had an adorable mascot and the might of Cap’n Crunch behind it, but this bizarre decision to combine punch and cereal was always doomed to fail. You can slap as many hippos and as much pink as you like on a box, but Punch Crunch is proof that cereal still needs to be at least partially edible.
2. OK’s
A piece of free marketing advice. Don’t describe your brand new product, which you’ve spent months developing with a crack team of chefs and food scientists, as “ok”. At the very least, you want to at least try and pretend that what you’re selling has something noteworthy about it, even if it isn’t true. Having “ok” written everywhere, including on the cereal itself, in massive capital letters somewhat gives the game away.
3. Sir Grapefellow
As a cereal flavour, grape seems to be one fruit that never really got off the ground. Not that this was for lack of trying. One of the most noble failures has to be the aristocratic aeronaut Sir Grapefellow, who took to the skies in the 1970s. His complex backstory, which featured a rivalry with the evil Baron Redberry sounded too much like learning for kids to get on board with.
4. Mr Wonderfull’s Surprize
There aren’t many things more irritating than an overly whacky mascot – a description that certainly applied to Mr Wonderfull. Despite setting the standard for delicious sounding crispies with a chewy chocolate centre, his get up of polka dot suit and periscope-bedecked hat was far too annoying for the public to get on board with.
5. Grins and Smiles and Giggles and Laughs
According to GSGL lore, Cecil – the cereal producing machine – could only produce boxes of this sugary sweet, crunchy cereal if somebody made him laugh. Such a complex backstory was way too much for the kids of the 1976s, as was a name so long that it could form the first half of a sizable novella.
6. Cornflakes with Instant Banana
Kellogs Cornflakes are one of the titans of the cereal industry – with a formula so perfect that it really doesn’t need much meddling. This makes the decision to include something as unappetising as “instant banana” all the more baffling. A fine example of ignoring “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” thinking.
7. Green Slime
Launched as a limited edition offer to promote the 2003 Kid’s Choice awards, Green Slime is definitely up there as one of the most disgusting sounding foods of all time. Nickelodeon may have brought slime to the small screen, but they failed to get us to eat it at the breakfast table. For this, we can all be thankful.
Some cereals have been part of the morning ritual for decades. It seems that once a company finds a winning formula, they are loath to let it go. When you look at this list of spectacular failures, it’s even easier to see why.
